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Life in a Star Wars battleship.

I was in a restaurant yesterday when i realized I desperately needed to break wind.  The sound system was really, really loud, so i timed it to coincide with the beat of the music.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then i remembered.  I was listening to my iPod.

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Source: Reader Digest Asia, January Edition of 2011.
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Man: Is there any way to attain long life?

Doctor: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

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Source: Reader Digest Asia, December Edition.
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A man went to a palmist to learn his fortune.  The palm reader studied his hand for a long time and said, "For the next yen years, you will have a very bad time."

"Then what will happen after that?" asked the man.

The palmist looked at his hand again and said, "After that, you will get used to it."

.

Source: Reader Digest Asia, December Edition.
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A German, looking for directions in Paris, pulls up to a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsch?" he asks.  The two Americans just stare at him.  "Parlez-vous français?" he says.

The two continue to stare, so the German tries again: "Parlate italiano?" No response.  "¿Hablan ustedes español?"  Still nothing.  Frustrated, the German guy drives off.

The first American says, "You know, we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" asks the other.

"He knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

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Source: Reader Digest Asia, December Edition.
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